Martin Skrtel Jokes

Martin Skrtel is Liverpol FC's tough-as-nails defender. His bald head, tattoos and ferocious tackling has earned him a reputation as Liverpool's no nonsense bad guy at the back. It is rumoured that he looks so fierce that fans don't dare to ask him for his autograph!


Found a website that has Martin Skrtel jokes that are contributed by fans.. Had to censor the blaphemous, the crude and the vulgar.. these are some of my favourites!


Martin Skrtel has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Martin Skrtel can piss into gale force winds.

There's no such thing as Martin Skrtel toilet paper, coz he doesn't take shit from anybody.

Martin Skrtel was the cause of the big bang.

Martin Skrtel ordered a Big Mac at KFC and gets it.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Martin Skrtel allows to live.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Skrtel says its beef, then it's beef.

Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Martin Skrtel.

Diamond is now ranked number two in the list, with Skrtel taking top place.

Martin Skrtel once won a Connect 4 game in 3 moves.

Martin Skrtel is so hard that he shits diamonds.

When Skrtel drinks beer, the beer gets drunk.

Martin Skrtel's tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.

Skrtel once arm wrestled Superman. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.

Martin Skrtel ate all the dinosaurs.

Martin Skrtel created the giraffe by upper-cutting a horse.

Martin Skrtel makes onions cry.

Water boils faster when Martin Skrtel watches it.

If you have five pounds and Martin Skrtel has five pounds, Martin Skrtel has more money than you.

Martin Skrtel doesn't tip taxi drivers, taxi drivers tip Skrtel.

Only Martin Skrtel can enter Rafa's room without knocking.

Martin Skrtel can kill two stones with one bird.